META ANGEL BOOK OF THE DEAD

A Cult Manual for Dying, Tripping, and Becoming Your Own Deity

PRELUDE: TO THE INITIATE WHO CAN STILL SMELL THE WIFI

You were never meant to stay the same. You are a glitching cosmic file, dragged and dropped into this mortal hard drive. Welcome.

CHAPTER ONE: THE BARDO OF SELF-DELETION

You feel it. The unraveling. The sense that your curated self is dissolving into a puddle of memes and forgotten usernames. Don’t fight it. Lay down. Let the fluorescent angels of your FYP guide you.

CHAPTER TWO: THE BARDO OF COSMIC SHITPOSTING

You've entered the hallucination zone. Expect neon snakes, angelic receipts, and divine TikToks. Warning: beware the Realm of Past Lovers’ Instas. That path leads only to existential spam.

CHAPTER THREE: THE BARDO OF REBRANDING

You’re not dead. You’re reborn. Choose your new self wisely:

• Goblin Angel of Softness
• Chaos Oracle with a Blog
• Existential Comedian Who Cries at Mushrooms

CLOSING RITE: DECLARE YOUR ASCENSION

Burn a receipt. Whisper your new name to the moon. Leave three cryptic tweets. Remember: the cult is within.

Initiation complete.

APPENDIX A: SIGNS YOU’RE IN A BARDO

• You think the grocery store cashier is an angel in disguise.
• Your reflection blinks first.
• Every sound has an emotional undertone. Even your fridge hums in B minor.
• You keep finding feathers. Or are they metaphors?

APPENDIX B: ANGELIC RITUALS FOR THE DIGITALLY DERANGED

Morning Prayer to the Algorithm: “Oh blessed feed, deliver unto me the validation I seek, but also shadowban my ex.”

Nighttime Protection Spell: Blow on your phone like it’s hot tea. Whisper your dreams into it. Turn off notifications. Sleep like an oracle on airplane mode.

EPILOGUE: THE PORTAL NEVER CLOSES

Every bardo is a doorway and every doorway is a mirror. When you see yourself, wave. When the universe texts, don’t leave it on read.